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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25224664">A pirate, a zombie and a lizard walk into a bar</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arktos_Tideborn/pseuds/Arktos_Tideborn'>Arktos_Tideborn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fate (Roleplaying Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Tabletop Gaming, Ninja, Pirates, Robots, Role-Playing Game, Short, Zombies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:01:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,885</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25224664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arktos_Tideborn/pseuds/Arktos_Tideborn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The "Smash up" incident... A mysterious BANG that destroyed the borders between time, space and reality. Worlds collided and bled through each other, as rifts appeared and bridged them. Some went to war, while others advanced by uniting their powers and fusing with each other. It is said that a once unreachable world has appeared in the midst of this and it holds the power of the gods. This may as well be, that which many call the end of times!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A pirate, a zombie and a lizard walk into a bar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a short story that came out of a solo RPG session I played. The fiction is inspired by the "Smash up" card game, while the game itself is a WIP of my own creation (inspired by FATE). Have fun!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tis’ was one fine evening with drinking, flirting, dancing and gambling at the Pirate King’s Inn, one of Tortuga’s most favoured establishments. Alpha and his mates were hanging back at one corner, carousing loudly after their last expedition. This would be one night to remember, and a morning-after to forget. But suddenly…</p>
<p>BANG!!!</p>
<p>Shots were heard outside. And this was Tortuga, so that was not all that rare. However now it seemed that a commotion was building up outside. Alpha and his two best mates got ordered to check it out. He peered a glance outside. It was Miss Sneaky and her crew. She was holding a smoking gun pointing it towards a fallen assailant at the door.</p>
<p>“Sneaky!?” Alpha shouted. “What is the meaning of this? You know it is forbidden by the code to fight inside Tortuga!”</p>
<p>Sneaky did not answer him. She just stood there, her crew slowly advancing. That seemed odd.</p>
<p>“Sneaky! Explain yourself! We‘ve been rivals forever under the same alliance. I call upon your honour to stop this and resolve it with the pirates’ code!”</p>
<p>There was an answer this time. One more shot. It grazed a man beside him, leading to the inevitable battle he wanted to avoid.</p>
<p>Dino, one of his mates, moved past beside him and vanished into the crowd. His saurian scales became translucent as he began phasing, using one of the powers the ghostly spirit inside him provided. His reptilian body lunged towards Sneaky.</p>
<p>Priest’s ninja instincts kicked in as he sent his forearm flying upwards to reach higher ground. The chain connecting his undead limbs began retracting as soon as he found his spot. From there he could throw his deadly kunai towards the enemy, watching for his allies’ back.</p>
<p>There was no room for hesitation, thought Alpha, as he immediately began assessing the situation. He set the lasers - installed in his partially robotic body - to “stun” and flew over the crowd targeting Sneaky. He was a progressive pirate, believing in following any opportunities to stay on top of things. And the technology that came after the “smash-up” was his best bet.</p>
<p>“Wait! Don’t hit me!” Her pleading voice stopped him for a moment. In this moment of doubt, he got struck down. Dino quickly came to his rescue only to find himself trapped too. Alpha reacted immediately and took both of them in the air.</p>
<p>“No! Get me back in there. Lift me higher and drop me!” Dino yelled. Alpha looked at him baffled. “Trust me!”</p>
<p>And so he did. The two of them flew twenty feet above the others’ heads. Dino quickly pressed some digits on his war suit, which shifted and glowed faintly, charging up energy. With a swift motion, he got dropped over the crowd. He tucked himself into a ball and flipped forward. He punched the floor as he landed, producing a huge shockwave that hit everyone around him.</p>
<p>The loud noise and flash that followed blinded everyone briefly. Afterwards, he was the only one standing at the centre of the crowd, with enemies as well as allies, lying unconscious on the ground.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“I… I am sorry… I only remember getting into that large building… the Mall it was called. We were lost trying to find the plantation, and then… I don’t remember anything… What? What happened?” Miss Sneaky asked but didn’t have the strength to hear the answer as she just fainted again, lying down exhausted.</p>
<p>Dino’s overwhelming personality managed to bring her into her senses for a moment, while her crew still seemed… lost.</p>
<p>“They look like… biters, zombies, or whatever you call’em. No offence Priest.” Alpha remarked.</p>
<p>Priest grunted before replying, looking at his own semi-decaying skin. “Well, they are not. Believe me. Something messed up with their mind.”</p>
<p>“Captain said we need to find the source ASAP. Tortuga may be compromised. He said that Sneaky’s captain, Gravekeeper, may know something.” Dino noted.</p>
<p>“Let me handle it.” Priest’s stoic voice sounded as he turned and walked outside.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Ok, so…” Priest sat down. “I went to Gravekeeper, disguised as one of his men. It seems that Miss Sneaky was sent to a fresh rift not far from here… ” He pointed at the small dot on the map. “It connects to a hub, a place where multiple rifts exist nearby. One of the portals that go through the Mall there supposedly leads to a plantation.”</p>
<p>“You mean the place where the legendary soil exists?” Alpha’s eyes went wide. “The soil that can grow stuff even on the shittiest ground?”</p>
<p>“Supposedly.” The ninja said. “But the Mall is filled with some… cousins of mine.”</p>
<p>“You mean ninjas?” The reptilian asked.</p>
<p>“Ugh…” Priest facepalmed. “I mean biters. And that’s only one of the problems… ”</p>
<p>“Yes… we still don’t know what caused Miss Sneaky’s brain… scramble.” Dino followed up.</p>
<p>“In any way, we have a destination. We must make haste.” Said Alpha, the robot-pirate and also kind of their leader figure.</p>
<p>The trip wasn’t so long, but alas it wasn’t pleasant. Alpha navigated their small and fast ship through waves and rocky areas. Priest, although undying, still was not acclimatized to the rocking movement of the sea. The same was true for his saurian friend. Even the ship itself was not left unharmed. Even so, they managed to quickly find the little island.</p>
<p>The piece of land, no bigger than their headquarters, led to an underwater cave. They found quickly that they were not alone there.</p>
<p>“Look! Small men. Maybe they are responsible for Sneaky’s crew.” Dino whispered.</p>
<p>“I believe they are called gnomes.” Priest rolled his eyes. “And I may have an idea to test your theory.” The resourceful Ninja pulled a cape out of his bag that bore Sneaky’s sign and continued alone.</p>
<p>“Hey, you!” one of the gnomes called him. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>The priest did not answer. He just stood and looked at them with the stare of a zombie.</p>
<p>One other gnome bumped and whispered to the first one. “Look he’s one of them. Those that the boss caught.”</p>
<p>“Ah, I see. He must have had his brain mushed more than usual and got separated from the rest. Let’s get him and inform the others.”</p>
<p>As the three gnomes approached the sneaky ninja, they found themselves ambushed by his blade and Alpha’s lasers. Their saurian ally appeared in the middle after phasing through the rocks and got one of them too. However this time his power betrayed him.</p>
<p>“Shit! Not again!” Dino hissed with his long reptilian tongue. His body remained ethereal and he could not regain his scaly form. “Fuck it! Let’s go. I’ll be like this for a while.”</p>
<p>“Wait!” Alpha called. “This guy may yet tell us something.” In his fists, he held one of the gnomes who had yet not fainted.</p>
<p>“You won’t get anything!” He spat. “You won’t reach the plantation. The walkers and our men control the territory of the Mall!” A robotic fist shut him up and he fell down unconscious.</p>
<p>“Well… it seems he won’t give us anything else, so let’s go.” Alpha suggested.</p>
<p>The three of them walked through the mysterious portal. They had walked through a handful before, but each time was a unique experience. Their bodies faded as they followed through it’s liquid-ish substance, which looked like a crack in reality mirroring another world.</p>
<p>They found themselves inside a concrete room. It had some desks, chairs as well as keyboards, screens and other strange machineries. They knew it was some kind of electronic technology, although subpar to their own. One wall had ‘SECURITY’ written with big letters. </p>
<p>Also, they were not alone. The two gnomes that were there already, proved to be not much of a challenge, even with Dino still stuck in his ghostly form. The room now seemed quiet. It was a good chance to rest. Meanwhile, Priest scouted ahead.</p>
<p>“The building is right ahead, only a few feet away.” The ninja reported his observations. “There are some biters outside, but they are sparse. The quickest way is a half-closed, probably stuck, gate straight ahead.”</p>
<p>“Good. Let’s get going. I can feel my skin again.” Dino remarked as he stretched his long fingers. Alpha nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>The team continued silently and avoided alerting any of the zombies along the way. They got in under the shutter of a metallic roll-down gate by raising it a little and without making much noise.</p>
<p>Inside the mall everything was a mess. Pieces of shattered glass and broken stuff were lying on the floor. This was probably the result of survivors defending and or looting the place. Furthermore, one could hear the distant moaning of the wandering biters.</p>
<p>“Ok, so… any ideas where to look?” Alpha asked.</p>
<p>“Gimme a moment boss. Let me attune to the spirits. With so many dead I believe I can find someone to communicate.” Dino proposed.</p>
<p>“You’d be surprised… ” Priest murmured, having first hand knowledge about the peculiar nature of the undead kind.</p>
<p>Disregarding his comment, Dino proceeded to reach the spirit dwelling inside him and through it reaching to the ghosts of this graveyard. One small light appeared in the void. He summoned it. It was a lost soul, wandering alone in the hallways.</p>
<p>“I found one!” He said. “Although… only one? I expected more. Doesn’t matter. He seems lost, haunted, guilty. He says he betrayed his companions. They became walkers because of him and then… he died too. He can’t rest though… he needs to atone.”</p>
<p>“Does he know where the plantation is? Or are you just having a conversation?” Priest mocked his friend. He ignored him.</p>
<p>“Yes. He knows, I can see it. But… he says he knows a shortcut and will show it if we help him.”</p>
<p>“Sure! Anything for family” Priest commented sarcastically.</p>
<p>Alpha raised a hand to stop their biggering. “What should we do?”</p>
<p>“We must kill the friends he betrayed. I mean the walkers they have become.”</p>
<p>With Alpha’s tactical mind and scouting tech he had installed, it wasn’t so hard to traverse the hallway and reach the group of zombies they needed to kill. Outside what appeared to previously be a drugstore, there were now three mindless undead. Dino could feel the ghost signalling him that they were his former friends.</p>
<p>The pirate-robot leader ordered his two mates into tactical positions. Priest approached stealthily, ready to charge at any moment. Dino readied a special canister, ready to drop it. With a silent agreement, they began their attack.</p>
<p>First, the ghostly saurian launched his special grenade. Smoke billowed from it, as it hit the ground between the zombies. As they got distracted, the ninja used this advantage and tossed his arms, extending the chain that held them in place, piercing the heads of two of the three targets. The final target dropped dead by Alphas’s cutlass.</p>
<p>“Quick, follow me.” The reptilian called before they even had the chance to enjoy their victory. “The ghost is on the move.”</p>
<p>The guilty spirit flew through halls, concealed doors and broken segments in the walls, that now were just new passageways. The group followed it with haste until it finally stopped. A feeling of gratitude touched them, as they saw that the spirit upheld its word and showed them to their destination.</p>
<p>In front of them lied one more rift. Like a window to another world, they could see the lush vegetation that occupied the other side. After dealing with its small guardians and without further delay, they quickly proceeded to go through it.</p>
<p>Rift walking, however, was not a walk in the park, especially when done in such short intervals. Each of them felt their bodies aching as they went through it, but it was Dino who couldn’t hold it in. Literally.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Alpha asked, not feeling great himself.</p>
<p>“Yes, boss. It’s nothing. Let’s go.”</p>
<p>They exchanged looks and continued. Looking around the dominant colour was green. This was no doubt the Plantation. Everything was covered in vegetation that seemed huge, gigantic. The flowers were as big as trees and the trees themselves were bigger than any building in Tortuga. Looking upwards there was no sky, only something that reminded glass. The whole place was an enormous dome.</p>
<p>At the floor, they could discern tracks. It was apparent that the gnomes, the fae and anyone who was behind this, used the portal systematically to gain access to the Mall and through it go to other worlds.</p>
<p>Following the tracks, they went further inland. They soon realized that the plants here were not only big but also dangerous, even their roots.</p>
<p>“These things are alive… ” Priest noted.</p>
<p>“I’ll fly ahead and scout. They can’t reach me in the air.” Alpha said and boosted himself upwards. They proceeded to traverse parts of the path, where Alpha would check for danger from above and then called on them to continue.</p>
<p>After travelling this way for a while, Alpha made a sign to stop and landed to join the other two. “I believe our target is not much further. I am afraid they’ll notice me if I come from above. Priest, you wanna handle this?”</p>
<p>“Sure thing boss. Keep an eye on our lizard. He’s a bit… under the weather, after our walk here.” Dino wanted to reciprocate but didn’t have the stomach for it.</p>
<p>Not ten minutes later and the ninja was already back making a silent motion for them to follow. He led them to a hiding spot, facing straight towards what seemed to be their target. </p>
<p>Ahead of them lied a camp. One big tent and some smaller next to it. Scattered around were boxes, some were empty, but most held various stuff like explosives, tools, clothes and other loot from the Mall. Running around were more gnomes, transferring those goods from one place to another, organizing and categorizing their swag.</p>
<p>Among those gnomes, there was one bigger and meaner. He was well suited, had a thick beard and looked like the brains behind this. He wasn’t the same species but still held some fae-like features. He was the one ordering them around, while also investigating and evaluating the goods.</p>
<p>“Guys… ” Alpha whispered to his mates. “This is our target.” He pointed to the leader. “We must take him out. Bear in mind, however, that he has some way to mess with our brains. Don’t give him the chance. It is the number one priority that he must go out first.”</p>
<p>Everyone nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“Good. Now, let’s get into positions. Priest, you first, go closer. Dino follows here.” He pointed out their spots. “After that, I go in and give the signal. We surprise them and take them out. Okay?”</p>
<p>One more node and everyone was ready. Dino and priest took their positions silently, while Alpha waited. Then he approached the camp stealthily.</p>
<p>“It’s showtime.” The robot-pirate whispered to himself and activated his lasers. He let out a primal warcry, ambushing their enemies. Taking everyone by surprise he shot a barrage of powerful beams from the gun barrels coming out of his arm. Without having a chance to react, the fae boss was hit nearly by every shot head-on.</p>
<p>The bulky fae kneeled down, as smoke was rising out of his wounds. And still, he hadn’t fallen. With one swift motion, he raised his hand and tensed his fingers as if holding a sphere. Mysterious, unknown words started coming out of his mouth, which soon Alpha realized were the chanting of some spell.</p>
<p>Alpha’s gun hand tensed and he raised it above him. It wasn’t his action. He wasn’t controlling it. The gnome leader had already cast a spell on him and was slowly taking control of his mind.</p>
<p>“Priest!” He shouted uneasy, before losing complete control.</p>
<p>In an instant, a shadow appeared between them, as a blur in their vision. Without either of them seeing it, the ninja had already lunged and slashed the adversary, leaving a spray of blood on his sword, the floor and the air. The big fae knelt and fell face front down.</p>
<p>The gnomes still hadn’t understood what just happened. Some were hesitating to draw weapons, some were stunned and some were still carrying stuff, not having realized the situation. Then, after a couple of seconds, panic spread among them.</p>
<p>Finally, Dino the saurian appeared and handled the situation.</p>
<p>“Hear me!” His voice came out deep and loud, enhanced by the echo of the ghost. “Your boss has fallen. You have no chance of defeating us. Just adhere to our demands and we will let you go. It is your only chance to get away from this.”</p>
<p>His voice travelled and gave an overwhelming feeling to his audience. The gnomes were unable to refuse. Soon, they learned where to find the legendary soil, Miss Sneaky initially was looking for. It wasn’t in this part of the plantation. </p>
<p>“Well, that was easy.” Said the undying ninja. “Now we just need to go underground.”</p>
<p>“Yep, it seems we have another adventure cut out for us.” Alpha replied. “But first we’ll need to report. So… what do you say? Are you up for more rift walking?”</p>
<p>“I…” Dino bent over and blurted out whatever was left inside him. His scales changed every possible colour.</p>
<p>“Well, there’s your answer.”</p>
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